Joe is yelling at the trees again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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