She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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