I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
