You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
