I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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