he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
