Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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