Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
