I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
