I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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