when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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