You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
