Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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