If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
