Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
