So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
