She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
