i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
