Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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