Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
