I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
