I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
