Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
