She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
