Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
