That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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