Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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