It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
