tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
