honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They are going to name an STD after you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
