You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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