Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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