am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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