You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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