I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
