Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
