I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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