It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
