He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
