I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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