it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
