FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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