I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Houston, we have a squirter
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
