I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
