There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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