Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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