What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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