so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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