My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
