god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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