Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
