Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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