If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
