my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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