You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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