They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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