What did we do last night that was yellow?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
