Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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