You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
