shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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