I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Found the puke drawer
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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