he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
