pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
