there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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