i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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