1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
