Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
