I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
